Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Standard

Ok, OK, sorry, I’ve no time. No time. I’m gonna be late. Sorry. Really. Rushing! Um. Angel tech LP? YES! Yes. Almost ready. Out early June. Deadlines! You know, deadlines. So I’ve got to go. But. Um… tell you what, I’ve got this… form… here. I’ve filled it in. Well… I’ve filled most of it in. Hope it gives you the picture. It’s a standard form. Sorry. Impersonal, I know. But… um… anyway, sorry. Here it is. Bye!

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INACTIVE BLOG FORM # 223
FOR USE IN THE EVENT OF A SPARSE OR NEGLECTED BLOG
SECTIONS MARKED * ARE MANDATORY


Hello [recipient]. With regards to *[It should look like an accident, an irregular journal concerning the creation of a new angel tech LP] many apologies for not posting any [delete as appropriate amusing / informative / sexy] entries for over [17 million years] now. I imagine that in the time I’ve neglected this blog, you’ve probably [had children and died]. I hope all is well with you, your friends and loved ones.

I am [fine] thankyou.

My excuses for not posting are [delete as appropriate personal / related to time restrictions / due to boredom / mediocre and suspect / shifty and evasive / a whole long story, seriously, I just can’t tell you]. I have spent most of the last [17 million years] engaged in the activity of *[editing a really big waveform]. Rest assured, I’ve been spending my time [delete as appropriate wisely / industriously / sexily]! Pretty soon I’ll be posting up all sorts of [crap] for my [6] regular readers!

Anyway, I’m sure [delete as appropriate no-one reads this stuff anyway / you’ve found a younger, prettier blog / you don’t fucking care and were only visiting this page to check whether or not you were definitely going to remove me from your bookmarks, you faithless, fish-faced fuck / you’ll understand and bear with me].

Seeing as this is a *[semi-regular] blog all about the world of *[the new angel tech LP], I actually have an amusing *[the new angel tech LP] related anecdote for you today. Here it is:

*[Category – Observational minutiae. I’ve said before that one of the reasons why I think angel tech works so well – and also takes so long about it – is that at various points all 3 of us get different bees in our bonnet. A different species of bee, if you will. One of us will suddenly be concerned about something the others really weren’t at all focussed upon and that person will then hammer away, forcing the issue, until it’s sorted to their ears. Well… there comes a stage when the deadline’s looming and you’ve got a matter of hours left until the LP has to be finished (at time of writing it literally is a matter of hours) and you have to decide what bites the bullet. What’s the most important thing? What can you let ride? Because with angel tech, perfectionists that we are, there will always be something not totally right. Something you’ll have to ‘live with’. A sibilant here, a precise pan there. Let’s put it another way: if this album was to be made in the style of daytime TV programme Ready, Steady, Cook with its 20-minute time limit and restricted ingredients, angel tech’s team would start off making a soufflé, and then change its mind five minutes before the bell and suddenly construct a Cornish pastie. With 20 seconds to spare we would then have to decide whether or not it mattered that the pastie had an egg glaze, and that’s when the shit would really hit the fan. Emails and text messages would be exchanged. Research would have to be done into the best type of egg. We’d have to decide upon the thickness of the brush used. Tim would walk to the back of the studio and hit his head repeatedly against the scenery. Neil would threaten Doug with a fork he'd just heated on a blowtorch. Each of us would make 38 pasties in 13 different sizes (with and without glaze) and then decide that we liked an impossible combination of doug 3 (glazed) and neil 21 (unglazed.) But ultimately you’d always have to bear one thing in mind, above everything else: namely, that you’re making a pastie, and that sooner or later, someone’s going to have to eat it. Where was I? Oh, shit, look at the time -]

What I think this says about *[the new angel tech LP] is something very [delete as appropriate important / interesting / stupid / horny]. What it says is: *[I’m hungry]. And I’m sure you’ll agree.

Well, I’ll be sure to keep you up to date with anything else I have to say regarding *[food] in the near future. Just watch this space! [ ]

Your faithful blogspote

*[T X Atack]